im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
