You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
