I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
one might say we're banned from that church
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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