My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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