Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
