Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
