when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
