I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
