He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
