The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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