He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
