I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
