Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you win again, gameday.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
