White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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