Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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