I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
