oh god the rape fog is back!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
