please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
