So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
accomplished twins. life is a go
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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