do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize