also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
