you guys were way drunker than both of me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize