I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ