Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.

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(631) Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you. http://tfl.nu/pf1f

Replies (14) Good night (1388) Bad night (718)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes

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(908): But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes http://tfl.nu/c86w

Replies (24) Good night (3467) Bad night (750)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.

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(519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me. http://tfl.nu/7rdg

Replies (12) Good night (3583) Bad night (980)
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(514): View more from Quebec

Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

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(514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y

Replies (42) Good night (14714) Bad night (1163)
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(720): View more from Colorado

the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

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(720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot

Replies (14) Good night (5441) Bad night (1802)
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(248): View more from Michigan

btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese

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(248): btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese http://tfl.nu/b6cs

Replies (9) Good night (4867) Bad night (1223)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.

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(978): I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4oj

Replies (8) Good night (2861) Bad night (952)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.

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(770): Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp. http://tfl.nu/629f

Replies (7) Good night (1315) Bad night (2101)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits

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(719): I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits http://tfl.nu/6x3w

Replies (17) Good night (1571) Bad night (768)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time

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(517): Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time http://tfl.nu/cfap

Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (543)
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(425): View more from Washington

Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.

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(425): Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home. http://tfl.nu/vg5q

Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (428)
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(315): View more from New York

If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...

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(315): If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese... http://tfl.nu/j6gy

Replies (5) Good night (682) Bad night (407)
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(440): View more from Ohio

he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.

(440): View more from Ohio

he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.

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(440): he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received. (440): he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick. http://tfl.nu/0dsn

Replies (10) Good night (1344) Bad night (417)
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(212): View more from New York

She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up

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(212): She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up http://tfl.nu/3zuk

Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (340)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children

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(+44): You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children http://tfl.nu/jvkg

Replies (1) Good night (23) Bad night (98)

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