Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.

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  (415): I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it. http://tfl.nu/np4v
  Replies (3) Good night (607) Bad night (1099)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (27933) Bad night (1823)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Ketchup is God's man juice

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  (720): Ketchup is God's man juice http://tfl.nu/p9oo
  Replies (43) Good night (2758) Bad night (1449)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.

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  (814): I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/s1o1
  Replies (5) Good night (5436) Bad night (683)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.

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  (773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes. http://tfl.nu/3kln
  Replies (8) Good night (1188) Bad night (2753)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

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  (610): So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed http://tfl.nu/2fhq
  Replies (5) Good night (4103) Bad night (969)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.

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  (202): I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request. http://tfl.nu/ivj5
  Replies (5) Good night (3420) Bad night (1010)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS

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  (516): Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS http://tfl.nu/0ql8
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (719)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything

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  (412): And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything http://tfl.nu/uj6p
  Replies (8) Good night (2346) Bad night (667)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.

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  (217): 3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa. http://tfl.nu/7ujo
  Replies (2) Good night (1422) Bad night (562)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?

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  (443): At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together? http://tfl.nu/40u8
  Replies (6) Good night (527) Bad night (1911)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

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  (914): I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements. http://tfl.nu/p1je
  Replies (8) Good night (1442) Bad night (485)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills

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  (775): Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills http://tfl.nu/fe2s
  Replies (4) Good night (828) Bad night (1227)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.

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  (541): I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do. http://tfl.nu/nqe0
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (716)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?

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  (804): Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics? http://tfl.nu/u5k0
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (530)

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