It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize