May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.