wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.