I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
