Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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