if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
