Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
