best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
