how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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