Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
