Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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