Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
