Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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