maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
