I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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