She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
