Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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