I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
