Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's blow job season.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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