So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have post one night stand depression
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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