I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
