could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
