Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
