there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
