His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
