Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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