Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
