My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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