yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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