i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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