dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
