You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
