I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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