We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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