Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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