WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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