so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
