The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize