Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
