The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
