When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize