i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
