Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
