At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
as a side note pls kill me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
