All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
