he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
