I just cut my nipple shaving
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
