I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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