Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
